hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
