Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
