i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
