the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
