Just took my morning after pill in the library
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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