Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
