Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
