i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
