OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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