Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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