it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
