so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
