It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
