You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
