i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
