Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
