porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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