I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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