you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
