Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
