I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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