how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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