I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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