I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
