Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
