I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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