We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
