So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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