Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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