He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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