After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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