It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
