Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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