I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
