so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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