Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
