A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
