I am in a vortex of obligation.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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