Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
