I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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