You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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