As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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