How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
