I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
