Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
