She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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