I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
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