I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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