I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Randomize
