Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He uses pillows to masturbate.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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